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How people-pleasing can fuel depression
People-pleasing is a habit that many of us have. It's easy to slip into this way of thinking when you feel stressed or insecure.
Unfortunately, people-pleasing can actually fuel depression because it's not healthy behavior and it can lead to poor boundaries and self-care. If you're someone who always tries to be agreeable with others—or worse yet if you try to make other people happy all the time—then there are some things that might help you break out of this pattern:
When you're in the habit of pleasing other people, you can lose sight of your own needs and wants.
When you're in the habit of pleasing other people, you can lose sight of your own needs and wants. You might be so focused on others that you forget to take care of yourself. You might feel guilty if you don't help out when someone asks for assistance, even if it means overextending yourself or going beyond what feels comfortable for you.
As a result, people-pleasers often struggle with feelings of guilt, resentment and depression because they're not practicing self-care (and therefore aren't able to take care of themselves).
You might think that if you keep pleasing everyone then everything will go smoothly.
You might think that if you keep pleasing everyone then everything will go smoothly. You'll be able to avoid conflict, and when people don't like something about you or your behavior, it will be easy for them to overlook it because they know how much effort goes into making others happy.
But the truth is, no matter how much effort we put into being nice and agreeable with other people, there are always going to be situations where someone gets upset or angry at us--and that's okay! In fact, it's good: It means we're interacting with another human being who has their own needs and wants in life just like we do. If nobody ever got upset with us over anything ever again (which would never happen anyway), then we wouldn't have any way of knowing whether they cared about our feelings at all--or whether those "feelings" actually mattered at all!
It's easy to slip into a people-pleasing mindset when you feel stressed, insecure or anxious.
It's easy to slip into a people-pleasing mindset when you feel stressed, insecure or anxious. If you're trying to cope with your own feelings by pleasing others, it can become an unhealthy habit that negatively impacts your mental health.
People-pleasing behaviors are often used as coping mechanisms for dealing with stress or anxiety. For example:
- You might feel anxious about asking for help from family members because they have their own problems and struggles; so instead of talking about yours, you do everything in your power to make them happy (even if it means going without).
- You might be afraid of saying no because then other people will think less of you; so instead of standing up for yourself when someone asks something unreasonable from time-to-time (like doing their laundry), which would likely lead them back around again later anyway...you just say yes!
People-pleasers tend to be good at making others happy but it comes at a cost to themselves.
People-pleasers are often good at making others happy, but it comes at a cost to themselves.
People-pleasers often don't ask for help when they need it. They feel like they have to do everything themselves, or else someone might get upset with them or think that they're not doing enough. This is why people-pleasers tend to be great at taking care of other people's needs but not so great at taking care of their own.
People-pleasers often don't ask for help, even when they need it. This can lead to a cycle of self-neglect and depression.
People pleasers might not want to burden others by asking for help, or they might think that their needs are unimportant compared with those around them. They may also feel guilty asking for assistance, or worry that people will reject them if they ask for something as simple as needing someone else's opinion on an outfit before going out in public (even though no one would mind!).
Sometimes people are taken advantage of by those who try to use them as sources of support or kindness.
Sometimes people are taken advantage of by those who try to use them as sources of support or kindness.
If you're always there for someone, they may not learn to do things for themselves. This can cause a friendship to become one-sided and unhealthy over time, especially if the other person doesn't respect your boundaries or doesn't care that they are taking advantage of your generosity.
Setting boundaries is important because it will help keep your relationships healthy and balanced--and make it easier for others to respect you in return!
People who do too much for others often have poor boundaries and may struggle with self-care.
People who do too much for others often have poor boundaries and may struggle with self-care. They can experience burnout, which is when you are so overextended that you become exhausted, stressed and unproductive. According to the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI), people who experience burnout are more likely to suffer from depression than those who don't.
People pleasers aren't assertive enough when it comes to setting boundaries or saying no--and this can leave them open to being taken advantage of by others. If someone asks you for help or favors but doesn't reciprocate in any way, that's a red flag!
It's important to recognize that people-pleasing is not healthy behavior and ask for help when you need it
It's important to recognize that people-pleasing is not a healthy behavior and ask for help when you need it. Don't be afraid to ask for help, don't feel guilty about saying no, and don't let the guilt of saying no stop you from asking again in the future.
Asking for help can be difficult if you've become accustomed to doing everything on your own or being "the strong one" in your family or social circle. However, asking for assistance when it's needed can actually make people respect and admire you more because they know that they can count on you as well!
Conclusion
If you find yourself in a people-pleasing mindset, try to reflect on how it makes you feel. Are there times when being too accommodating can be harmful or even damaging? If so, then consider reaching out to us at In Time Counselling & Consulting Services for depression therapy to learn ways to take action and change your behavior. You can start by setting boundaries with others who may be taking advantage of your willingness to please them without reciprocating in kind. Also consider taking steps toward self-care by treating yourself with kindness rather than always focusing on others first!
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“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
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