How I Learned To Stop Overthinking And Seize Opportunities To Make New Friends As An Adult

In a world where we are permanently plugged in and connected to others – internet forums, text messaging, face-timing, social media, gaming etc., we are increasingly feeling more and more alone. In particular, western society is becoming more solitary than ever. This isolation ‘illness’ has been made more evident with the COVID pandemic and all the lockdowns and imposed isolation. Mental health crises increased as a result of this long-term isolation. This is where many people realized the importance of their social networks and connections in relation to their mental well-being and started to ask themselves, “How do I make new friends as an adult?”.

The pandemic has opened our eyes about the importance of having regular in-person contact with other human beings, in 3D! The side effects of imposed lockdowns and isolation showed a negative impact both on people’s mental health but also on people’s physical health. People are becoming sick from loneliness.

One question mental health professionals hear a lot is how to make friends. The common complaint is how hard it is to make friends, especially as adults. It feels shameful for some to even admit this need for connection and the struggle in making friendships. But one thing to realize is that many people feel the same deep desire to connect to others.

This is a common complaint we heard from adults who do not have a community or a social network. Where do I start? Where do I find friends? How do I make new friends? In this individualist society, where people are taken over by the busyness of their lives, people don’t have time – or some may not even have the desire – to befriend those lonely people who don’t have anyone and who are seeking connections. This becomes harder for those people who are immigrants, or who are new to a country or an community.

It is not easy to make friends, this much is true. It takes time and effort to search for groups, it is risky to take the first step and initiate contact... and it takes effort to then also maintain these newly-formed connections. But ultimately, if you feel lonely and want connection, you are the one who has to take the plunge and make the effort to put yourself out there. It is scary and may even trigger some fears – such as fears of being unloved or fears of rejection. But in order to find people who might become friends, you do have to get out of your comfort zone, stop overthinking and actively put yourself out there and yes, face possible ‘rejection’. Some people already have well-established friends groups and may not be interested in expanding their circle of friends. This is not about you or anything wrong with you but it is about other people not having the time to invest in new friendships.

So, it is important to realise that seeking a social support network or a good friend can be painful and not everyone will be open to reaching back. This is okay. Some connections might not be worth pursuing because you might not align in terms of values or priorities and it is important to realize that it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you, that you don’t deserve reciprocity or that no one loves you! If these are the beliefs you hold, it might be worth seeking mental health support or contact us at In Time Counselling & Consulting Services to explore the roots of these beliefs.