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The Struggle To Be Grateful: Why Gratitude Is Important To Mental Health

So many ‘bad’ things happen in the world. Indeed, every single day, the media reminds us of how cruel, scary or unfair life can be. For some people, there is no need to look too far as ‘bad’ things keep happening to them or to close or loved ones. So what is the point in trying to find the positives or what is there to be grateful about especially when it seems like we have no control over the events and circumstances that knock us down. And yet, nowadays, there is a lot of hype around the concept of gratitude. Isn’t that what we hear - ‘be grateful’, ‘learn to appreciate the positives’ or even ‘it could be worse’ and so on. But, can gratitude actually impact our mental health?

A simple definition of gratitude is the ability to be thankful and to appreciate all the good things in our lives. Being thankful or grateful is not something that is automatic. An attitude of gratitude is a conscious choice that each one of us makes or a decision to see the good in our lives and to focus on what is going well.

Why is it so hard to grateful?

It can be hard to be grateful, especially when we see or experience the cruelty, injustice or ‘bad’ things that happen every day, all over the world. Here are some reasons why being grateful can be hard:

Reason #1: First of all, it is not easy to make the conscious decision to focus on the good especially when the ‘good’ receives much less publicity than the ‘bad’.
Reason #2: Another reason for our difficulty to stick to the good arises from the nature of our brain itself. Research into neuroscience has shown that the brain is wired to remember the ‘bad’ or the ‘negative’ as a survival mechanism. You might have heard the saying about how the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but like Teflon for positive experiences. There is science behind this statement!

Research into the psychology of happiness has shown how this negativity bias is a relic from an evolutionary protection mechanism, where the brains remembers negative experiences and quickly forget any positive experiences in order to keep us alive. Back in prehistoric times, it was important to remember a particular watering hole that was dangerous or we would be eaten by the predators roaming the spot.
Our brain ‘remembers’ this information and keeps this implicit memory active, so that we don’t go to that particular spot and get eaten. This is why it is easier for us to remember the one negative experience in a sea of positive experiences. However, what kept us safe and alive once upon a time may not be currently helpful. Indeed, in modern times, we are less likely to be eaten by predators and our brain’s ‘reflex’ to focus on the negatives now mostly creates states of fear, anxiety or panic…

Reason #3: Another explanation as to why it is easier to think about negatives is seen with individuals who struggle with depression – these individuals focus on the negatives, constantly scanning the environment for danger or threats, and keep this negative loop active.

As cognitive theorist Aaron Beck showed – this thinking negatively only serves to promote and increase our negative thoughts and ultimately leads to self-fulfilling prophecy causing us to create what we fear the most.
For example, you may feel your colleagues do not like you and, holding this negative belief, you tend to avoid them or are reserved when interacting with them. But your colleagues may interpret your coldness as arrogance or that you simply don’t like them. Hence, they will avoid you because they think you don’t like them. The more you see concrete ‘proof’ that your colleagues avoid you, you conclude: ‘Well, I knew they didn’t like me’. Your ‘prophecy’ has been actualised. But was it, really?
Thinking negatively feeds the loop of more, and yet more, negative thoughts... on and on it goes in an endless cycle. But thinking negatively, as anything else, is a habit that we can be trained out of. The brain can be trained to learn another way of assessing the information that is presented... By creating a new, healthier, habit of assessing the validity of our thoughts our brain will become more balanced in its assessment. It only takes practice.

What are the benefits of being grateful?

There are many reasons for choosing to adopt a positive, hopeful, or simply a more realistic attitude. Again, there is a huge amount of research showing a clear link between gratitude and an individual’s wellness, physical and psychological well-being and overall happiness.

Research into the neuroscience of happiness revealed how gratitude raised the ‘feel good’ hormones and neurotransmitters (e.g. dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin) boosting our moods and promoting a positive outlook on life. The quality of our sleep improves. The benefits of keeping a regular practice of gratitude also changes the way we see the world – we are able to see the good in things and in people, we become more resilient, well-adjusted and our relationships also improve..

Teaching patients gratitude strengthens their immune systems so they have fewer aches and pains or illnesses. It also helps lower blood pressure and promotes the recovery of patients with heart disease but also helps pain management for cancer patients. The positive impact of gratitude is also seen with regards to our mental health: there is a significantly lower risk of depression, anxiety and even addiction relapse (e.g. nicotine, alcohol or drug abuse).

And the more we practice gratitude, the easier it becomes to notice the positives in our day-to-day lives. Over time, this practice builds up and serves as a buffer or shield when ‘bad’ things do happen. With regular practice, our brain can be trained to notice and appreciate those little joys in our lives...

So, how can I be grateful?

Some examples for practising gratitude can be:

1. Have a gratitude journal and during the day, or at the end of the day, list those things or events that were positive or that you are grateful for

2. Make it a practice as you start your day (e.g. as your feet hit the floor or as you are bathing or brushing your teeth) to list those things you are grateful for. Similarly, at night, list 3 things that went well or that you are grateful for.

3. Make it a point, as your day unfolds, to notice what is going well. Notice the beauty around you – what you find pleasing or kindness that you observe in your day. Savour your coffee or your meal with all your senses. Try to see the positive side to a negative event or happening.

4. Try to be kind to others in your interactions – this can be as simple as offering a smile as you pay for your coffee, opening or holding the door for the person behind you... or trying to understand that the driver who cut you off may have had a bad day and is not ‘attacking’ you personally

5. Learn to de-stress through breathing, grounding or meditation practices. A regular practice can teach your central nervous system not to escalate stressful or triggering situations but instead, to remain calm.

So, what can you do to build a daily habit of gratitude and improve your mental health?

If you recognize how your negativity bias may be contributing to a self-fulfilling prophecy or you are finding it difficult to see the positives in your life, contact us. We would love to chat. Sometimes having someone else to talk to can help you see things differently.

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“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-11